Category Archives: snatch

This Message May Self-Destruct, So Read It While You Can (My Visit To Badussys”R”Us)


This Message May Self-Destruct, So Read It While You Can (My Visit To Badussys”R”Us)

Whatever you do, do not read this… it could be bad for my image as a leading dune-koon intellectual.

So last night I was hanging out with tha peeps. Lolz… (the shabooty dynasty). I won’t name them because well… things got down right ridiculous. Probably even more so in hindsight than at the time:

WE ENTER… THIS “AFTERPARTY”… and these things DIDN’T HAPPEN!

In other words, allow me to enumerate each and every thing that was wrong/ridiculous about this place that we DIDN’T GO TO (my friend actually wrote this list, lolz):

  1. Non-descript building with no marquis or name of any kind.
  2. Wrought iron security door in front of the main door, like you’d find in any BK project.
  3. No lights outside or inside of the building. At all. The only light was that which flooded in from the street lamps outside.
  4. A “champagne room” walled off with garbage bags. Women would enter the champagne room with men. The men would emerge 5 – 10 minutes later. The women would not be seen again.
  5. Naked “strippertutes” (stripper/prostitutes) making out naked in the middle of the floor with large men standing awkwardly over them dropping dollar bills on their nether regions.
  6. A pair of scantily clad fat white chicks who sat near a wall neither stripping nor moving, just talking to an unnecessarily large man – who I later decided was probably ‘The King of Lower Egypt’ – the entire time.
  7. Poo on the toilet seat in the only bathroom in the entire building.
  8. The ENORMOUS cloud of marijuana smoke that hung in the air for about 10 minutes and at one point was so thick you could barely see out some of the windows.
  9. <unnamed stripper>’s boobs looked like ripe eggplants.
  10. The tiny $35 Casio boombox with 5″ speakers sitting on a window sill providing the music from a CD. I found this to be the funniest and most disturbing part of the entire encounter.

Now imagine what woulda happened if we actually went there… Again, I didn’t write that list, but it is on point, for things that DIDN’T HAPPEN!

I have to especially co-sign #10. You’d think it was “Fahrenheit 451 for music” — where music was illegal and if the cops came, they could hide that Jr.-ass RadioShack Boombox easily. Laf.

And to correct #8, because my friend is square, that wasn’t marijuana he was smelling, it was BADUSSY!!!


Sigh.

Anyways — this was solely in the name of journalistic investigation. Nothing more, nothing less.

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I Present To YOU, For Posterity, The Tweets That Lead To Samantha Ronson Blocking Me on Twitter!


I Present To YOU, For Posterity, The Tweets That Lead To Samantha Ronson Blocking Me on Twitter!

This one above was the nail in the coffin! Damn. It was a JOKE Samantha Ronson, sheesh. Dykey DJ’s (people who press play on their laptops) dunno how show-business works? ;)

I goof on you, you eat Lindsay’s box, your dog kills innocent show dogs, and we’re all happy.

So I am pretty sure the above one is the one that really pissed her off! Lolz! I am so proud of this.

Another screen-capped tweet below…

Continue reading I Present To YOU, For Posterity, The Tweets That Lead To Samantha Ronson Blocking Me on Twitter!

Jenna Mourey Is Not Funny


Jenna Mourey Is Not Funny

I suppose I am being a little underhanded, not really though. This chick right now has a viral video out there that has like 900,000 views in a day and her youtube profile is the most viewed profile today. In the (popular) video, not the one above, she pretends to be an ugly chick, then dolls herself up so the rest of the ugly bitches in the world can follow her footsteps, while she attempts to be funny.

The above video is of her yentering it up, thinking she’s some great personality. I got through two minutes of it, but I don’t even think that’s what’s aggravating. Okay, so I’ll give in and post her VIRAL (popular as ef) video below after the jump (the make-up one). But it’s pretty FUCKING GAY when this chick is now internet famous for a youtube “ugly to pretty” transformation video, when on her facebook fan page she has about 200 professional modeling pictures, and let me tell you, she looks good, and her annoying personality shows for that. At one point in the video below she flashes her college diploma, and she went to the same university as Howard Stern.

F her. She reminds me why I hate hot + smart = annoying chicks.

ANYWAYS, THIS CHICK IS NOW INTERNET FAMOUS FOR BEING AN UGLY CHICK ON YOUTUBE…. THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!!???





She has her ASSHOLE out, LOLz.

[Image via Facebook]

Continue reading Jenna Mourey Is Not Funny

Ben Roethlisberger Case: Black Cop Sides With Rich Jew, Loses Job


Ben Roethlisberger Case: Black Cop Sides With Rich Jew, Loses Job

I read on TMZ that the investigating officer in the middle of all of this sexual assault, told the trick hoe (via what was written in the police report) that and I quote, “this f*cking bitch is drunk”/”this bitch is drunk off her ass accusing Ben of assaulting her.” AND “Roethlisberger has a lot of money” [and if the women were to follow through with a police report, they] “would be wasting their time.” — Well, in other words, what the cop was saying was the truth, Ben Roethlisberger is a free man, while this dude had to resign or be fired for his conduct during the “investigation”. Lolz. Sigh…

I read on ByronCrawford, that the h00er in question, was wearing a DTF name-tag during this whole “ordeal”. Which of course stands for “DOWN TO FUCK…” which translates into, this wasn’t an ordeal at all, but rather a h00-erdeal. :)

Big Benjamin stays jamming it in. [||]

And can we get this now former cop, a security job over at MTV’s Jersey Shore? You’re gonna need his lax security, if my boy Vinny’s gonna get some non-grenade stank on his hang-low.

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