Home Piss + Nas On Colbert Report (Video)

I am trying to think of a new title for the hometitle (titlebar name) of my blog…

I was thinkin of this slogan: Shabooty.com: “if your daughters are dating me, you have failed as a parent, but have won as a “cool dad.”

Or maybe, I’ll just stick with Shabooty.com: Howard Stern, HipHop, & Booty.

Btw, in my dream last night, Barack Obama was my math teacher. He stopped back from his trip, for exam week to do the math exam, ‘cept like it was “exam time,” so you know you have to be all sullen and quiet. So, I couldn’t really give him a “HOOTYHOO”

and give him a fist bump. :(
A shame, I know.

Anyways - check out Nas on the Colbert Report:

The Colbert Report and Nas discuss the racism on Fox News and Bill O’Reilly. Nas talks about his protest against Fox News and performs his song “Sly Fox.”

Colbert always comes off sorta hacky, but o’ well, so does Nas.

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Permalink Posted in: comedy, hiphop, music, tv, video Comments(0) July 25, 2008

F-Ing Thunderstorm Woke My Crusty Ass Up

Is it just me or has the special effects/costuming quality in pornos these days skyrocketed in quality? NSFW.

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Bert & Ernie tries Gangsta-Rap

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Yes, the new wordpress iphone application is out. I did a draft post last night with it. It works pretty good. I look forward to mobile blog at concerts on the fly (granted I have a signal). Check it out.

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I dedicate this:

Samuel L. Jackson - baltimore club mix

To Khia “DJ K-Swift” Edgerton…RIP.

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Check out this:
A.P.T. Song - Obama Obama (Lil Wayne “A Milli” Remake)

The only thing it’s lacking is more cowbell.

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Here’s Jack:

No Brian! Those Chicken Wings Are Really Spicy, Don’t Eat Those (YTMND)

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The following statements are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Awwww. They care! (Sarcasm Sandwich)

That above is attributable to one of my favorite authors -but I won’t say who (but thanks for replying to my email, unsaid author).

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Lastly…fu*k thunderstorms.

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Permalink Posted in: hiphop, humor, kobe, los angeles, max barry, music, myspace, nsfw, odds and ends, video, youtube Comments(0) July 23, 2008

Want To Win A Date With Byata? You Shmoe!

The only kunt muscle on Vh1’s laughable, Miss cRap Supreme worthy of any recognition (aside from recognizing the talentless Khia as a fat heffer), is the Russian Byata chick from Brooklyn. She has sass, a lil bit of ass, and some talent. And, apparently [she] was the 2nd runner up on the show.

So, after using one’s 15 minutes of fame on this cruddy vh1 series, what is a female rapper left to do?

How about charging fans 20$ bucks for a raffle ticket, so that maybe they’ll win the opportunity to go out on a date with Byata, (which she’ll be recording for her myspace page). Sheesh, way to perpetuate the Russian Bride (or date in this case) stereotype. Why don’t I buy Byata fake tits too while I’m at it… buying her $20 raffle tickets. Anyways, here is the official press release (and what an annoying all caps one at that it is):

BEFORE YOU READ THIS I MUST SAY THAT IN NO WAY IS THIS A SCAM OR AM I TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY FANS…

MUSIC AND ENTERTAINMENT IS HOW I EAT…THIS IS MY JOB, MY LIFE, MY FUTURE, AND ALL I HAVE!!!

I PROVIDE A SERVICE FOR MY TRUE FANS…FANS THAT WANT TO SUPPORT MY ARTS.

AND FOR THOSE WHO DONT WANT TO SUPPORT THEN YOU CAN BYPASS THIS BULLETIN CUZ I DONT NEED ANYBODY KNOCKIN MY HUSSLE…

I DONT KNOCK YOURS!

TO ALL MY LADIES & GENTLEMEN…

WANNA CHANCE TO WIN A NIGHT OUT IN “YOUR” TOWN WITH BYATA???

SEND $20 CHECK OR MONEY ORDER TO:

BYATA INC.
PO BOX 46570
LOS ANGELES, CA 90046

ALSO ENCLOSE A NOTE WITH YOUR NAME, EMAIL, ADDRESS AND PHONE #…

ONCE THE PAYMENT HAS BEEN RECEIVED I WILL SEND YOU A GOODY BAG FULL OF BYATA MERCHANDISE…ALONG WITH A RAFFLE TICKET…

HOLD ON TO YOUR RAFFLE TICKET LADIES & GENTS CAUSE IN OCTOBER THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED…

AND ONCE THAT HAPPENS…BYATA WILL BE FLYING OUT TO YOUR HOMETOWN TO SPEND AN EVENING WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS IF YOU’D LIKE TO BRING THEM!

THERE WILL BE A CAMERA TAPING THE “DATE” AND IT WILL BE POSTED ON BYATA’S MYSPACE PAGE AS WELL AS YOUTUBE…

OH YE…THE WINNER ALSO RECIEVES A TOP SPOT ON BYATA’S MYSPACE FRIEND LIST FOR A MONTH!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!PEACE,
BYATA
WWW.BYATA.COM

I don’t think I am officially knocking the hustle am I? More so just goofing on it. I will say and have said in the past, Byata was the only good thing to come out of that show (plus, I think she’s cute). I love that chick’s intestinal fortitude. It’s a major turn on… you know, in a russian bride turned rapper kinda way.

P.s. Oh, and I’m not saying Byata can’t beat me up. That chick is swole.

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Permalink Posted in: chick, music, tv Comments(1) July 22, 2008

MTV’s A Shot At Love 2 (Tila Tequila 2), Reunion Show Full Episode

Tila Tequila Reunion Show…Things get so heated between Tila and Kristy that they can no longer be in the same room.

This is the smile that comes to my face when I see Tila a) Cry

b) Act cunty c) Kristy also walks off stage calling her a BITCH!
Fuck Tila! And props to Kristy. Oh this is segment 6 of 6 (the best one of the reunion), to watch it from the beginning, go here.

Also, an update on how wacked out of her skull, Tila is… temporarily her MySpace profile was headlined “KRISTY IS FAKE! USED ME TO GET ON TV!”. She then posted a blog titled “BITCHES AIN’T SHIT BUT HOES AND TRICKS!” (which has since been deleted -I think her handlers told her to STFU, Dumb gook). Which said:

“Thunderfuck my mouth is shut. Been a while, feel like a cunt. / Can’t wait for this drama to pass.” It also said, “For a long time coming….I let you touch me….now that it’s over bitch….You better start running. Pent up inside….telling these lies….this has gone too far…..the world will soon die.”

I think the real reason that Tila is all pissed off is because she sees her 15minutes of fame clocking in at 14minutes and 15seconds. Tick tock tick tock. Please just stop making music Tila…spare us all!
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Permalink Posted in: model, music, show, tv Comments(0) July 12, 2008

Aesop Rock’s Fav. Cereals, Plus Fall ‘08 Tour Dates Announced!

Aesop Rock aka Aes-Rizzle, aka the coolest person/per height ratio outside of Howard Stern and Kobe Bryant, has listed his Top 10 Cereals. It’s a good read.

People of Earth,
Let’s talk cereal!  You know you love it.  I love it.  It’s easy to love cuz it makes a good lover, AND there are SO MANY CHOICES.  And GOOD choices at that! Cereal rules because:  If you were to blindly pick a box of cereal off a store shelf, chances are it will be good!  Most cereal is da bomb!  I have been wanting to write something about cereal for a while, but every time I sit to write I am not in the mind state to write about it (as I’m usually off writing about dragonz and orbz and such.)  But tonight… tonight my good citizens… tonight no wheat goes unshredded!!  I’m feeling juussssst about right to get into some serious carb talk. Let’s go!

Here are my top 10 cereals. Understand, I love all cereals, and this list changes by day, but as of 2:21 AM on Tuesday July 8, 2008, this is it.  Holler at your kinfolk.

FOR AES’ LIST + COMMENTARY GO HERE

The Below are Aesop’s Top 10 accompanied by MY 2-cents on each of his picks.

1- Honey Bunches of Oats
I can’t front on Aes’ #1 choice. Though I’d go with the Almonds over the Oats. Call me square.

2 - Fruity Pebbles
Hrmmm I probably wouldn’t have had Fruity Pebbles so high up on the list, but then again I can’t remember the last time I’ve even had Fruity Pebbles. It def. aint ‘bad’ but I haven’t had it since the stone age.

3 - Smart Start
Wtf is Smart Start? What cereal are they selling Aes out in San Fran? Lol.

4 - Lucky Charms
This would be in my top 3. I eat this shit like ‘crack’ was invented in Ireland.

5 - Rice Krispies
I can’t front nor hate on Rice Krispies. It has def been in my recent rotation. It’s def good on top of ice cream (so are corn flakes for that matter). Probably not #5 on my list but def in the top 15.

6 - Frosted Flakes
Damn, these are always good in any given situation. When I buy those combo packs with 12 random collection of cereals, the Frosted Flakes are def the first to go. (Which is also a good way to determine what is one’s fav. cereal).

7 - Apple Jacks
These are def yummy, but not as high as #7 on my list.

8 - Special K
Again, can’t hate on the Special K. A little boring, a lot healthy, and def. worthy.

9 - Cheerios
Meh, plain cheerios is wack. At least Honey Nut to even bother being worth considering.

10 - Grape Nuts (only to be served w/ honey)
Not to hate, but honey or not, this has to be an error! Though, I can’t say I’ve tried it, and who am I to hate on a recipe handed down by Aes’ mother. I mean it helped him be a strong, tall, grown-azz-man! Pass the honey that comes in a bear jar.

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Fall Tour Dates After The Break…

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Permalink Posted in: aesop rock, apple, ccwm, concert, defjux, food, music Comments(0) July 9, 2008

El-P’s WeAreAllGoingToBurnInHellMeggamixx2 Download For Free!

Who knew that blankcds could be your gain. In other words, El-P released a tour-only mix tape, but some of the discs were un-burned blankcds (hence some pissed off jukieheads). Anyways, somewhat PR conscious (or he just got annoyed of people leaving comment spam on his blog, bitching about the cds), El-P has decided to give this mixtape for free. Though, a heads-up, you will have to register an account on definitivejux.net. If Goodyear made running shoes, put on your Run-Flats and sprint to cop this ish… it’s hot.

Quote:

from producto…with love

I have decided to make the mp3s of disc one of theWEAREALLGOINGTOBURNINHELLMEGGAMIXX2 (tour only limited edition double disc cds) available for free. You won’t get the Eat My Garbage CD (disc 2), nor will you get the amazing original artwork by Travis Millard or the bragging rights of owning a cd that is going for 150 (so ive been told) bucks a pop on EBAY. But to be honest i felt kind of bad not letting fans who weren’t able to go to the shows hear this stuff.Also, for those lucky 500 who bought the limited pressings I am offering to replace any of the cds that may have been blank. Unfortunately I have heard that a small portion were, which sucks dick and makes me feel like an asshole at the same time. So in a bid to quell the justified pain and borderline rage some have felt popping in a blank cd please send your blank cd to Def Jux

115 South Oxford St.Suite 556
Brooklyn NY 11217
and we will send you a replacement of the cd only, keep your packaging. love, el

go to to download:

http://www.definitivejux.net/news/el-p/438

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Permalink Posted in: brooklyn, ccwm, defjux, el-p, hiphop, music Comments(0) July 9, 2008

Requiem For A Dream / Beatles Music Video

A music video for the Beatles’ “Happiness is a Warm Gun” using clips from Requiem for a Dream (the best movie evar).

According to Lennon, the title came from the cover of a gun magazine that producer George Martin showed him: “I think he showed me a cover of a magazine that said ‘Happiness Is a Warm Gun.’ It was a gun magazine. I just thought it was a fantastic, insane thing to say. A warm gun means you just shot something.”

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Permalink Posted in: movie, music, video, youtube Comments(0) July 5, 2008

My Mind Is On Carmen Sandiego’s G550 Jet. I’ve Lost It, And Waldo Is Being A Douche On His Two-Way Pager.

Carmen Sandiego - I’m all over the place.

Just some random thoughts going on… I missed the Tila 2 finale last night? Did I? Well, I am sure it was lame. I know way hotter Vietnamese chicks in Texas than her. She’s a fidget anyway.

So, did you hear about the new iPhone coming out on July 11th? Really cheap: $199 and $299 respectively… If you look under the hood though and by hood I mean AT&T’s pricing plan on the service side, that same unlimited data goes from 20$ to 30$ a month and those free 200 txt messages, that’s now five dollars. Want the 1500 txt message package? That goes from 10$ to 15$ a month. So for me, that would total an additional 15$ a month or… quick math $145. er, fuck I can’t add: 180. Either way that blows, $igh.

What’s up with milfs these days, esp the “newly” divorced ones. Not only will they ask you what knd of car you drive, but’ll if you happen to be in your friends car, they’ll ask what car your friend’s driving too…wtf.
Way to take the LF out of milf, okay nm, that’s still in effect despite the golddiggery.
Be a mother, get rid of the damn eyebrow-piercing-ring. Why attract attention to your eyes, where crows feet lay, right? You’re not 18 anymore. And you’re 30 going on 40.

I hope Artie Lange is okay in Iraq, where he is performing this week on the USO Show tour.

Amy Whinehouse called Kanye West a cunt. How great is that?

Did you know the next Survivor is being filmed right now in Africa?

Fu*k I hate spam like this, New message: “why is your myspace photo here on this site.. laquinka . com
”
I dunno, let me rush on over to la-quin-ka.com real quick and see.

There has been much squabble over “shitty parts of NYC to hang out”. By squabble I just mean different sources of opinion saying similar things. And from respectable sources. Apparently El-P & Alaska of Hangar18 both hate Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. I thought that was the hip-artsy-fartsy cool part of town. Shows you how much I know. But I still rep BKNY. Cue…

El-P:

editor’s note: Williamsburg - im not talking about williamsburg. williamsburg is the only place in brooklyn that sucks harder than manhattan as a rule no matter what the circumstance.

Alaska:

Williamsburg – I don’t know a single person that likes that pisshole yet people are always going there, hey someone is spinning some shitty MIA at a loft party, or let’s go to this shitty as boutique my friends dad bought, they have like one sneaker, four pairs of jeans and a coffee table book. People dress like the tourists in Times Square and have shitty mustaches it might as well be Milwaukee, sorry Milwaukeeans I didn’t mean to insult you because although you guys dress like that you do shower and aren’t a bunch of pretentious pricks who base their whole personality off what pitchfork.com thinks and whichever t-shirt is recommended in the latest issue of Vice.

Pwned!

Word on the street is to find Waldo El-P Sandiego, ya just gotta go to the lower east side of Manhatty, or just let him tell you where he hangs out.

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Permalink Posted in: apple, artie lange, brooklyn, ccwm, celebs, comedy, defjux, el-p, hiphop, howard stern, humor, iphone, music, myspace, nightlife, odds and ends, quotes, reviews, shabooty, ventilation Comments(0) July 2, 2008

Queens Of The Stone Age Concert Shoe Incident, Josh Homme Goes Mental @ Norwegian Wood (Videos)

They performed on Norwegian Wood. And some dude threw something at him. And the whole crowd beat the shit out of the dude who threw the shit, then the guy was thrown over the fence, and homme said “I’m sick but not sick enough to buttfuck you!”

…as heard on stern.

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Permalink Posted in: comedy, concert, howard stern, music, video, youtube Comments(0) June 29, 2008