F-Ing Thunderstorm Woke My Crusty Ass Up

Is it just me or has the special effects/costuming quality in pornos these days skyrocketed in quality? NSFW.

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Bert & Ernie tries Gangsta-Rap

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Yes, the new wordpress iphone application is out. I did a draft post last night with it. It works pretty good. I look forward to mobile blog at concerts on the fly (granted I have a signal). Check it out.

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I dedicate this:

Samuel L. Jackson - baltimore club mix

To Khia “DJ K-Swift” Edgerton…RIP.

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Check out this:
A.P.T. Song - Obama Obama (Lil Wayne “A Milli” Remake)

The only thing it’s lacking is more cowbell.

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Here’s Jack:

No Brian! Those Chicken Wings Are Really Spicy, Don’t Eat Those (YTMND)

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The following statements are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Awwww. They care! (Sarcasm Sandwich)

That above is attributable to one of my favorite authors -but I won’t say who (but thanks for replying to my email, unsaid author).

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Lastly…fu*k thunderstorms.

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Real World Hollywood Reunion = A Times Square Unbeweavable Borefest

The Real World Hollywood Reunion was a bore-fest. Surprisingly boring basically –the Tila2 reunion was way more entertaining. I dunno who that British host was, but she sucked (thou better than the Tila2 reunion’s host). The only thing that sucked worse, was that Carlos guy down in Times Square that they kept throwing to. If they wanted to get a fruity looking Mexican fruit to be a correspondent, they coulda got Trent. At least he has a personality.
Anyways… and the most interesting part of the reunion? Apparently the ’sistas’ on the show did turn hollywood… and by that I mean they straightened their HURRE (hair). Here are some shots below. The dumb fuc*ing host coulda asked em about their new looks, no? What, am I the crazy one?

“It’s just my personality, I like to have fun –usually I’m just really happy,” “Wahhhh, I kissed another guy when I have a boyfriend, and now I straightened my hair, wahhh” — Brittani

Brianna - Before Pic

Brianna - After Pic

Brittani - Before Pic

Brittini - After Pic

Brittani - After Pic

Brianna & Brittini

Janelle - Before Pic

Janelle - After Pic

Janelle - After Pic (left)

Yesss, you’re seeing correct, Janelle redid her fuc*ing hair too, right? God, that’s annoying.

Jump the shark x 3 meters.

Anyways, in actuality, the last 2 segments are the only worthy ones. A) When Janelle goes on and confronts the supreme asshole Will, breaking his balls, and B) the un-aired never shown before footage package. The funny part also is that in the version that aired on TV, The “Tres” Amigos (Will, Nick and Dave) Plugged their upcoming gigs…as in a tour of bars across the country, Will plugged the cd he’s working on, and Brianna plugged her forthcoming album as well. And the version on the interwebs on MTV.com, MTV basically ripped all of the plugging out of the web-feed, lol. That’s sorta funny. I guess they’re shoving the minute hand on to the 15, asap.

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Miss USA Falling In Miss Universe 2008 (Video)

miss usa universe 2008 falling on stage

international feed

and the winner is:
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Throw In The Towel, Over My Head Please…

fat ass

Here is the hilarity of DC/MD/VA (DMV), particularly Northern VA, from last night. By hilarity I mean you better find these things hilarious or you’ll be running your head into a wall. So I walk into a buffalo wings bar and within seconds, my senses are assaulted by:

a ton of fat chicks
androgynous dyke fatties
the only non-fat chicks there are “au pairs” (aka fobs)
the only thing keeping me there is this ecstasied-up, corny white goofy guy, hilariously dancing horribly… I def didn’t need to see his ‘ballbag’ indentations -in which he was constantly showing off, pulling his shorts tight to his body. He was raping any chick that dared enter his “personal bubble’ which was quite impersonal…and extended the dance floor to anyone sitting down near by. A dance with him ended with a boob groping. He was dancing barefoot and every 5 seconds he’d do a fuckin somersault on the dance floor (well nevermind, he just basically rolled around on the floor). Worst of all this was probably a 35 year old guy and he had a giant beer gut. Yet, he was charming. Don’t ask.
The damn DJ was in an ARM-SLING… I guess he doesn’t “mix’ or “scratch”.
The broad singing Alanis Morissette on Karaoke, looks like she ATE Alanis, and Alanis was just a jagged little pill going down her throat.
Herndon, [VA]= HATING EVERY RANDOM NAUSEATING DOUCHEY OBNOXIOUS NUMBNUT!

$

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My Mind Is On Carmen Sandiego’s G550 Jet. I’ve Lost It, And Waldo Is Being A Douche On His Two-Way Pager.

Carmen Sandiego - I’m all over the place.

Just some random thoughts going on… I missed the Tila 2 finale last night? Did I? Well, I am sure it was lame. I know way hotter Vietnamese chicks in Texas than her. She’s a fidget anyway.

So, did you hear about the new iPhone coming out on July 11th? Really cheap: $199 and $299 respectively… If you look under the hood though and by hood I mean AT&T’s pricing plan on the service side, that same unlimited data goes from 20$ to 30$ a month and those free 200 txt messages, that’s now five dollars. Want the 1500 txt message package? That goes from 10$ to 15$ a month. So for me, that would total an additional 15$ a month or… quick math $145. er, fuck I can’t add: 180. Either way that blows, $igh.

What’s up with milfs these days, esp the “newly” divorced ones. Not only will they ask you what knd of car you drive, but’ll if you happen to be in your friends car, they’ll ask what car your friend’s driving too…wtf.
Way to take the LF out of milf, okay nm, that’s still in effect despite the golddiggery.
Be a mother, get rid of the damn eyebrow-piercing-ring. Why attract attention to your eyes, where crows feet lay, right? You’re not 18 anymore. And you’re 30 going on 40.

I hope Artie Lange is okay in Iraq, where he is performing this week on the USO Show tour.

Amy Whinehouse called Kanye West a cunt. How great is that?

Did you know the next Survivor is being filmed right now in Africa?

Fu*k I hate spam like this, New message: “why is your myspace photo here on this site.. laquinka . com
”
I dunno, let me rush on over to la-quin-ka.com real quick and see.

There has been much squabble over “shitty parts of NYC to hang out”. By squabble I just mean different sources of opinion saying similar things. And from respectable sources. Apparently El-P & Alaska of Hangar18 both hate Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. I thought that was the hip-artsy-fartsy cool part of town. Shows you how much I know. But I still rep BKNY. Cue…

El-P:

editor’s note: Williamsburg - im not talking about williamsburg. williamsburg is the only place in brooklyn that sucks harder than manhattan as a rule no matter what the circumstance.

Alaska:

Williamsburg – I don’t know a single person that likes that pisshole yet people are always going there, hey someone is spinning some shitty MIA at a loft party, or let’s go to this shitty as boutique my friends dad bought, they have like one sneaker, four pairs of jeans and a coffee table book. People dress like the tourists in Times Square and have shitty mustaches it might as well be Milwaukee, sorry Milwaukeeans I didn’t mean to insult you because although you guys dress like that you do shower and aren’t a bunch of pretentious pricks who base their whole personality off what pitchfork.com thinks and whichever t-shirt is recommended in the latest issue of Vice.

Pwned!

Word on the street is to find Waldo El-P Sandiego, ya just gotta go to the lower east side of Manhatty, or just let him tell you where he hangs out.

$

el-p mag cover

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RIP George Carlin

George Carlin - Religion is bullshit.

George Carlin May 12 1937 - June 22 2008

Thank you George, you will be missed by many.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.

Carlin, who had a history of heart and drug-dependency problems, died at Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (9 p.m. EDT) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters. Read rest>>

RIP MAN!!! We’ll miss ya…one of the ONLY artists/ FEW comics that still maintained their edge and FUNNINESS even in their older age. Most of ‘em jump the shark, but not George.

$

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Artie Lange - Too Fat To Fish

Too Fat To Fish, Artie Lange’s autobiography is coming out this November, and it’s already Amazon.com Sales Rank: #61 in Books.

Rofl at the customer tags associated with the product:

Here are some mock-up book covers:

By Shabooty.
artie lange too fat to fish

More after the break…
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Lindsay Lohan Haunts My Subconscious Mind

lindsay lohan

shabooty
10:03
Heyyyy, I have a really good story on how I came about adding ya on facebook. long story.

janeseymourdoe04
10:04
hahahah k tell me
10:07
gonna tell me?!

shabooty
10:07
Okay, Well I am a Lindsay Lohan fanboy. So, anyways she was in my dream last night, [begin dream] so we’re like in Hollywood at night, just chillin’ and we sit at a park bench, and I get to like rub her feet and shit, and try to earn brownie points, ’cause we had just met (lol), and I was so enamored, and then I’m like, “Aight Lindsay, I know you’re not ‘Lindsay Lohan’ on Facebook –you must use an alias, so tell me it, so I can add you!” She tells me yeah, it’s ‘Seymour D’… And then she had to leave… [end of dream].
…
Now, to break down why?!?!? “Seymour D,” I am thinking because I know another Irish girl named K—y Seymour, and Lindsay Lohan’s Mom’s name is Dina Lohan, so maybe the D is from that… so ‘Seymour D’.
So I woke up, put in Seymour D into the book of face, and since we have a friend in common (Emily) you came up atop the search results, Lol. So I added ya.

janeseymourdoe04
10:08
hahahha WHAT
10:08
thats rediculous

shabooty
10:08
I’m not making that up

janeseymourdoe04
10:08
neat

shabooty
10:09
I mean you’re not Lindsay Lohan, but you seem kewl

janeseymourdoe04
10:09
hahahha thanks!
10:09
how do you know emily?

shabooty
10:09
oh, that was thru my dream about Paris Hilton.

$

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Girl Fight In Baltimore (Video)

Baltimore is a mess… but who says that hot ghetto messes -fighting, aren’t funny as fuck. (You can view the high quality version here).

Filmin’ by my boy KDunDatta, who describes this debacle as:

Girls fighting in Fells Point, Baltimore. I was just trying to eat my pizza! Yo the light skin girl was madd pretty. I was talking to her in the pizza shop and she told me how she was gonna fight the other girl. I told her “no”.. I said you are too beautiful for all that and the cops are out, but… obviously she didn’t listen. The fight went on for like 2 min before I started recording, but I had to get my credit card back from the pizza shop..LOL..ENJOY!

I wish I was there -rofl. I’d be madd instigating. But also at the same time, I’d be very frightened. UFC officially now stands for: Ugly Fighting Cunts, folks.

el-p
This looks like a job for riot police, Mr. El-P.
$

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Why Every Guy Should Buy Their Girlfriend Nintendo Wii Fit

This is why wi love Wii Fit. ‘Nuff said.

I have the wii-fit, but I am pretty sure the hot chicks in D.C. are backordered. :)
Or too ugly and ordered to go back [into whatever hole they crawled out of...hayooo!]

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F-Ing Thunderstorm Woke My Crusty Ass Up

Real World Hollywood Reunion = A Times Square Unbeweavable Borefest

Miss USA Falling In Miss Universe 2008 (Video)

Throw In The Towel, Over My Head Please…

My Mind Is On Carmen Sandiego’s G550 Jet. I’ve Lost It, And Waldo Is Being A Douche On His Two-Way Pager.

RIP George Carlin

Artie Lange - Too Fat To Fish

Lindsay Lohan Haunts My Subconscious Mind

Girl Fight In Baltimore (Video)

Why Every Guy Should Buy Their Girlfriend Nintendo Wii Fit