Dan Forden Helps Me Sleep At Night

I officially had the most random frigging ‘fooding’ experience. I go to the bar and have one beer. We next stroll across to the diner like 8 deep, when 4 of the people I had no clue who they were. It’s always interesting when drunk folks are walking together and one person from one group is hollaring at another person from the other group, next thing you know, it has congealed, and you’re walking into the diner with a party of nine, six of which are strangers -which is hardly a party. Err, well when it’s a sausage fest at least. Here was what I had at the diner in a [failed] attempt to trick myself into having a “light” meal.

a) fruit cup
b) vanilla milkshake
c) grits

…

Yes, you read right. Grits. I’ve earned my “hood” stripes long ago, and it shows –though I have to admit, there’s not much gangsta about having to drench your grits in butter to be able to take it ‘down’ [the hatch]. Anyways, there’s nothing nastier than going from the yummy sweetness of a milkshake to the random-ass indescribable taste of grits. This one chick across from me at the other table goes, “hey, is that milkshake any good?” And I reply, “yeah def, it’s good.” And of course, her friend across her table goes, “Well - My milkshake, . .. .it’s better than yours, Damn right it’s better than yours, I can teach you, But I have to charge…” Goddammit! I ask the first girl, not humored, “was that a set-up [question]?” Sigh. You know what they say though, “if ya eat gritz, yo peniz is large, damn right it’s bigger than yours.” Nullus homo.

Since it’s 2 AM, I am allowed to ask the worldliest of questions. Someone help me explain this. It’s a craigslist personals ad that is titled, “If Herpes Doesn’t Matter… [I may be a cool African-American woman for you to meet:) ]“ Plz tell me that’s a goof. In case this is a goof and it gets taken down, here’s a screenshot. Yet further proof that D.C. needs to be incinerated, or in cuter mortal kombat terms: TOASTY! Cue the youtube videos:

Mortal Kombat II Scorpion (Toasty) Fatality

Scorpion MK4 TOASTY!!

Dan Forden is the man… If you’re a newb and don’t understand the reference, during Mortal Kombat I - III, Dan Forden took a sprite photo of himself and shouts “Toasty” whenever Scorpion executes his fatality/finishing move. I want to roast marshmallows with him.

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New Yorker Mag July 21st Cover Shows A Satirical Barack Obama In Turban Giving “Terrorist” Fist Bump To Gun-Toting Michelle Obama

‘NEW YORKER’ COVER SHOWS OBAMA IN TURBAN WITH GUN-TOTING MICHELLE…

I take it that this isn’t a scratch and sniff cover, that smells like curry powder?… cause now THAT, would be offensive. Both camps are adamantly against this cover and find it appalling, though I have a feeling that McCain has already printed this out n placed it on his refrigerator door.

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NOPE! (McCain OBEY Poster)

Tiger Box Sold Separately.

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I wonder what Emo Abe would think…

[hat tip: 4-rilla]

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You Might Be An Asshole If…

You have blue hair

People have photoshopped you with asshole hair

or. . .(nsfw)

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Dap101

dap

ROFL. So, I had a convo earlier with a Baltimore Sun reporter, so I could give my 2-cents on the cultural signifigance for the Michelle to Barack “DAP”. That alone is pretty funny. That I would be a “dap” expert. However, I didn’t want to give my real name. I was told -”we talking about “DAP” not watergate -where anonymous quotes would be appropriate!”. What do you call it when you laugh and sigh at the same time?

Anyways - here’s what I WAS gonna say.

Dap’n or giving dap / pound / fist bumping, has been around forever. According to urbandictionary (which is my bible),

The Dap includes simple to very intricate series of rhythmic hand slaps, clasps, hand and arm gestures exchanged between two persons as a sign of personal greeting, respect and group solidarity. Has origin in greetings developed and practiced by members of Black Power organizations founded in southern California in the early 1970s and then became common place and outlawed practice among African-American draftees and soldiers stateside and abroad during the latter years of the Vietnam War. Was soon adopted by huge duck bill cap, suspender and knicker attired African-American street and club dancers who originated the dance known as “Lockstepping.” Best known Lock Stepper is Fred Barry aka Rerun from the hit 1970s black TV sitcom, “What’s Happenin’?”

To me however it’s a little different of a situation. I think it’s just Michelle and Barack being/showing that they’re hip to the game. They’re relating to the young generation, that they’re not some old fucks. Sure they say “black [skin] don’t crack,” and that they can get away with being even younger looking than they really are, but they’re showing they’re not over the hill. Last month, when Barack “brushed the proverbial -dirt- off his shoulders” [vid] I think that was even more amazing. At least from a hiphop lover perspective.

To me the whole ‘dap’ thing is mainly a sports thing. In sports you see players giving each other dap, you don’t see them being dorks and giving as many high fives.
It’s also -in my opinion, an OCD thing. Come on now, when the Howard Stern’s of the world are being heckled by superfans, I think Howard has officially adopted the dap so he doesn’t get creepy listener germs on his hands.

As far as the pat on the butt (watch the Michelle dap video -it looks like as if Barack pats her on the ass after the dap), there could be many meanings of this. I take it back to Barry Bonds in the playoffs. Pre-fat head roided up, I am referring to when he was on the Pittsburgh Pirates. I recall the Pirates being in the lead in a game, he steals 2nd base, gets up, pats his OWN ass on the butt. The reference? He was saying, we’re kicking “THEIR” ass. That or he had just started sticking steroid injections in his ass, and he had an itch back there.

That’s my best answer… I guess the only other person to ask is Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings.

P.s. Call Me Shawn Stern.

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Yazmany Arboleda=Mad Outta Control! The Artist Behind The [Character] Assasination Of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama Art Exibit Is Questioned and Released In NYC

This morning, a Boston-born performance artist, Yazmany Arboleda, tried to set up a provocative art exhibition in a vacant storefront on West 40th Street in Midtown Manhattan with the title, “The Assassination of Hillary Clinton/The Assassination of Barack Obama,” in neatly stenciled letters on the plate glass windows at street level.

By 9:30 a.m., New York City police detectives and Secret Service agents had shut down the exhibition, and building workers had quickly covered over the inflammatory title with large sheets of brown paper and blue masking tape. The gallery is across the street from the southern entrance to The New York Times building.

Mr. Arboleda has even set up elaborate Web sites, one for Mrs. Clinton and one for Mr. Obama.

FULL STORY HERE>>

The Barack Obama one is a bit NSFW as there is a giant huge black cock in it… watch out, view after the break…

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