Detroit Nigerian Underwear Bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s Web Postings: Show Terrorist Lonely & Depressed

Detroit Nigerian Underwear Bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s Web Postings: Show Terrorist Lonely & Depressed (AP Photo From 2001)

I was thinking about this…this flight was an Amsterdam to Detroit flight, right? I wonder if the terrorist suspect was hoping that all of the passengers on the plane would still be high from their Amsterdam weed-benders, that they’d be too mellowed out to stop him from blowing up the plane? Just a thought. You just know there had to be some Detroit Rock City stoners aboard that plane.

Anyways, here are his message board postings:

Being emo: “I am in a situation where i do not have a friend, i have no one to speak too, no one to consult, no one to support me and i feel depressed and lonely. i do not know what to do.”

Jjjj-Jihad Unit!: “I imagine how the great jihad will take place, how the Muslims will win, insha Allah and rule the whole world, and establish the greatest empire once again!!!” reads one Feb. 20, 2005, post. The words “insha Allah” are the phonetic translation of the Arabic for “God willing.”

Banging 40 virgins when you die, sure is worldly: “So usually my fantasies are about Islamic stuff,” he continued. “The bad part of it is sometimes the fantasies are a bit worldly rather than concentrating in the hereafter.”

Thoughts on Yemen: “Its quite cheap too,” the writer gushed. “Yemenis are so friendly and welcoming.”

Perv: “The hair of a woman can easily arouse a man.” He writes that he was considering getting married at 18, as his family “could help me financially.”

Why does everyone want to be so close to Allah? Does he have Linkin Park stickers on his holy Trapper-Keeper [binder]?: “I felt a shield that prevented evil thoughts coming into my head,” he wrote. “I felt closer to Allah.”

Allah must be the primo message board operator, to have its users apologizing profusely to him: “I had butterflies going through my stomach reading that,” Farouk1986 wrote. “I acted hypocritically? May Allah forgive me for that. I’m very sorry. Now i feel all bad. Maybe its time to say bye bye to this thread. I’m sorry if i offended anyone. Please all should forgive me.”

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Someone get this kid the Wale CD, pronto… Oh wait, we want him to NOT want to blow himself up, right? Scratch that.

You know, if this kid was just like every other Nigerian, an email scammer, the world would be a better place.

PWNED!

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Permalink Posted in: comedy, odds and ends, politics, quotes, shabooty exclusive December 30, 2009