El-P Poetically Responds to Vast Aire


El-P Poetically Responds to Vast Aire (Via El’s myspace blog)
Posting piece in whole for posterity.

I will only add one thing in reference to rappers taking to myspace to rant… El-P has taken what is typically nothing more than a devolving “flame” post, and turned it into something deep and poetic. I want to take El out to the ‘White Horse Tavern’ in the West Village, and get us a round of shots, because I could drink to that! (No Dylan Thomas).

El-P: Monday, August 10, 2009

ok.
i have never wanted to participate in any sort of public ugliness with people i once considered friends. its negative and builds nothing. its only purpose is to hurt. its a shallow action. a desperate attempt to satisfy the ugliest parts of your ego. there is no example of me disparaging, insulting, blaming, defaming or casting doubt on anyone’s character who i’ve had any type of real love for and considered crew at one point no matter how things may have turned out… no matter what they may say about me or what i may think about them behind the scenes. for me, i always thought it made one look small and angry. i always felt like that type of public ranting and vitriol reflected failure, weakness, insecurity and pettiness and i’ve seriously regretted it when i’ve been involved in anything that resembles that, even peripherally. as good as it feels in the moment it almost always backfires. the same person who (non artistically) desperately seeks public affirmation of his anger and resentment ends up actually hurting himself more in the eyes of the strangers he’s trying to communicate with. by the same token, defending yourself against that type of attack plays right in to the whole thing and immediately puts you on the same level as the person attacking you. beyond that the fact is that for me, the relationships that i’ve had in my life that have fallen apart make me sad, not angry. the friendships that have ended in my life are a source of huge regret for me and i constantly wonder if there was something i could have done to change the outcome. so i don’t have it in me to kick and scream and curse the world for not handing me everything i think i deserve. i’ll do that in my music, if need be. its better that way. that much i have learned.

I’m also not the type of person who feels like he’s a victim of circumstance. every choice made along the line has different results. it seems irrational and immature to me to create a world in ones head in which somehow, magically, there is an external reason that justifies every single reality of your life… and not one of those reasons is you. a world in which you are just in every action and innocent in every interaction. a life in which you only consider and retain the ideas that justify your perspective and completely ignore all other realities that exist and might, if you took a moment to consider them, make any (rational) person think a little longer before they lashed out and tried to destroy some one else’s character.

it takes a special type of ego to literally delude oneself in to thinking that you have the moral right of way in every scenario. it takes clinical insanity to think things are one way when in fact they are the opposite. for instance:

lets say (as a metaphor, of course) someone was morbidly obese but thought he was a ninja. that would be kind of crazy, wouldn’t it? or if that morbidly obese person didn’t make the connection between his eating habits and his weight. crazy. now if that same massively, morbidly obese person walked around calling people who were less than half his weight “fat”, how should they react? on the one hand its obviously crazy for this hugely fat man to be calling you fat. but on the other hand he keeps fucking saying it. over and over. to anyone who will listen.

i’ve tried to ignore it. i’ve tried to squash it. i’ve tried to take the high road because i assumed that like me, everyone must have better things to occupy their time with. apparently not. every other day there is a new vitriolic rant aimed at dismantling me or someone i care about, despite the fact that i haven’t fired one single shot in the direction they are coming from. not one.

now i don’t have any interest in trying to make anyone see things the way i see them or arguing about/defending the past. i wont do the back and forth point by point defense with someone whos only path to generate any type of publicity for himself seems to be exactly that type of public argument. a person who literally is interviewing himself in order to push a smear campaign forward. a man who has made it his personal mission in life to focus all his energy on the very people who were close to the friend he claims to have loved with a constant barrage of misspelled and badly punctuated lies, insults, accusations, epithets, slander and threats. someone who seemingly has no humility or perspective on his own fallibility. someone whos anger has driven him to the edge of sanity. whos own life is seemingly so joyless and directionless that the only thing he can think to do is reach out and try and inflict pain.

and by the way, when i say “close to the friend he claims to have loved” i mean close. I’m talking that our lives will never be the same close. the real deal. the kind that comes with pain no one wants and that no one with a soul would brag about as though it were a credibility issue or as though love were something you had to prove as opposed to just feel. not the idea constructed to make you feel good about yourself or justify your perspective in the eyes of other people or yourself. friendship isn’t the collective little favors you’ve done for someone that you keep record of and hold against them even after they die. its not a song you may have recorded with someone years ago and its not a conversation you may have had. its bigger than that.

its sad to me that you, and you know who you are, don’t understand that. its painful to sit here and take your abuse knowing the true nature of your character and how utterly easy it would be to expose it. the temptation to publish certain correspondences you’ve been a part of is overwhelming. i have no doubt in my mind that any one who would see those would walk away from reading them with a very different perspective on your moral fiber and your character in general. a younger me would do it in a heartbeat. and yet what good would come out of it? what are we all trying to prove to each other? it would only lead to even more ranting, more insults and more bullshit. no one would learn a thing and i would have wasted another minute of my life.

and i don’t hate you. i don’t want to hurt or destroy you. you were my friend. i wanted you to succeed. now i just find you to be a sad character. twisted, angry and resentful and squandering your time on mean spirited pursuits. its depressing.

now i’m sure the person i’m writing this all about will just respond in his usual manner after reading this. denial, anger, threats, capital letters, misused question marks and exclamation points and more accusations. but i’ve got a suggestion for a better way to proceed… just let it go. you’ve gotten your rocks off. you’ve said your peace. now make some music. stop lecturing the world and contribute while you still have time. none of this shit means anything. at all. go make the art you believe in and spend not one more second trying to take other people down or blaming people for the place you find yourself in life. spend time with and cherish the people you love while they are still alive so you dont find yourself feeling like you have to defend the validity of your commitment to them after they’re gone. be grateful for the things you have and wish no man harm. be happy or die trying. i know i will.

by the way if you truly did love Camu and were close to him then I’m sure you feel the same pain my friends and i do. if that really is the case then I’m sure the futility of arguing and fighting with people has never been more obvious to you. it is to me.

if you loved him then you are one of us… the heartbroken members of a club we never wanted to join… and I’m sorry for your loss.

el

ps: im not going to be approving comments about this blog. i didn’t write it to rally people against anyone or to create “sides”.

pps: this is the only thing i have to say and i wont engage in any more.

  • NYHC81

    EL-P is working on music, he should’nt have to stop and respond to this nonsense.

  • bkb

    Atta boy El.
    We all already know the score and vast is ranting and raving like a 13 yr old.
    Thanks for taking the high road and once again confirming my belief in the quality of character (and music) in the definitive jux stable.

  • Bibble

    This is the realest blog i read all summer. how can cats say this dude is fake? DJXP4 is dope and lookin forward to some new el-p and other upcoming DJX projects

  • nettieboom1

    wow… this was touching! i got chills reading this… el-p said it perfectly! loved the metaphor about the morbidly obese dude! very heart felt and well written & very true!
    <3

  • SCREAM PEE-NIX

    IF VAST COULD ONLY KNOW HOW SMALL AND INSECURE HE HAS LOOKED OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS (????!!!!) WAIT DID I USE THAT PUNTCTUATION CORRECTLY???!!! !!?? “INTERVIEWING HIMSELF” AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHA TOO TRUE, EL. .. VAST IS LUCKY CAGE IS BLOWING UP RIGHT NOW- OTHERWISE NOBODY WOULD BE SAYING HIS NAME. ITS PRETTY SNOBBY ON HIS PART ACTUALLY- ACTING LIKE HE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS BECOME VICTIM IN THE FRIENDS/BUSINESS ASPECT OF A WORKING RELATIONSHIP. GUES WHAT VAST??? WE ALL DEAL WITH THAT BULLSHIT; FROM DEF JUX TO DEF JAM; IT HAPPENS GET THE FUCK OVER IT. BY THE WAY- YOURE WACK

  • Boom

    El-P and Cage are faggots. This is some long winded bullshit. Did El-Pee and Cage castrate each other or what? Don’t forget Cage started all of this crap. Dude is a sneaky piece of shit.

  • EL-P

    Let me say this for the last time. (Translation)
    i have never wanted to participate in any sort of public ugliness with people i once considered friends even though I’ve always been publicly ugly. my only purpose is a desperate attempt to satisfy the ugliest parts of my ego. Listen to “The League of Extrodinary Nobodies” that by the way is on my album, so basically I started this beef because I heard about “The Legue of extrodinary gentelman” and was so upset. Within that song there is an example of me disparaging, insulting, blaming, defaming and casting doubt on there character because i’ve had real love for Vast and considered him a part of the crew at one point no matter how things may have turned out… i always felt like my subliminal ranting and vitriol reflected failure, weakness, insecurity and pettiness and i’ve seriously regretted it when i’ve been involved in anything that resembles that, even peripherally.
    Sorry but I had to tell you all the truth, I started this.

    el

  • TJ

    Boom………………………………….. what an idiot. Big ups to DJX

  • VAST AIRE

    I’m fat.

  • Yak Ballz

    Ok… Ok this has to stop. Lets all relax, trust me it’s not that serious. El I respect what you shared. Vast forget the bull.. can we move on. We need to all move on, besides; this is a secret I yak Cage’s balls sometimes. Where do you think Chris got the new title for his album from? I can answer that. When he has me hunched over from the back and it gets to intense I tell him DEPART FROM ME… Beleieve you me I love them kosher Hebrew National franks but Chris loves the buns,

  • THE REAL VORDUL MEGA

    SO VAST WANTS TO PUBLICALLY TELL THE WORLD ABOUT MY DEPRESSION AND CRACK HABIT?! WELL THE TRUTH WILL NOW COME OUT, THEODORE ARRINGTON; VAST AIRE HAS A SEVER CHOCOLATE ADDICTION- THERE IS NOTHING BUT WRAPPER S LYING ALL AROUND HIS HOUSE (AND I DONT MEAN GANGSTER RAPPERS) EVERY TIM EIM IN THE KITCHEN: HE’S IN THE KITCHEN, HE HORDS ALL THE FOOD: ALL THE CHITLINS; ALL THE PIGS FEET! I LIKE PIGS FEET!! HE EVEN KNOWS ALL THE EXCUSIVE CANDY BEFORE IT COMES OUT: GHGHGGGGGGHHHHH…TWINKIE 3,000! MAN, HE GOT MORE HERSHEY WRAPPERS LYIN AROUND THAN I HAVE HERON BAGGIES LYIN AROUND! SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

  • AREWHY

    I AM A VAST AIRE GROUPIE AND I ENJOY KISSING AND MAKING LOVE TO HIM!

  • http://www.paradoxicalstate.com JESTONEART

    TO THE “SO-CALLED” REAL VORDUL MEGA:

    Wholly and totally unnecessary . . . besides plain wackshit . . .

    • Sun Tzu

      From “Atoms” to “Adams” – just a bunch of regular “Niggers”!

  • marcus

    lol, jesus christ, is the guy who writes these shabooty blogs the def jux publicist? can you hop off of def jux’s dick for like…5 minutes? either way, both; def jux AND vast aire make music thats “eh” nowadays. im sorry but vast & vordul need each other as well as el-p’s beats. and def jux needs to get their priorities straight. youve had despot on the label for how long, yet chin chin is getting a release? seriously? danny? the might underdogs is quite dissapointing. the only blockhead album def jux puts out is a comedy album? c’mon, youve got one of the illest producers, and you release a comedy album?
    and im not taking sides, but are all you people idiots? you DO realize that cage started this with his blog a few months ago, right? people keep saying vast aire wont let it go, but who started it? CAGE.

    • http://myspace.com/sweetsixteenz SWEET SIXTEEN

      Word to almost everything you just said.

      I know Danny won a contest…that’s why he’s on, but damn lol. Despot’s been touring and the likes, but I agree he should have been out. Dudes one of the dopest emcees on that roster.

  • PERPETUAL GOD

    TRUST THE LIES, NOT THE TRUTH!

    MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA BE FORMLESS, FUCKING LYING ASS MOTHERFUCKER! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TOO. STICK UP FOR YOUR SUPPOSED PPL IN THE MATRIX, AND EXPERIMENT ON THEM IN REAL LIFE. TALK SHIT AND ABANDON SHIP, HUH!

    EXPOSED!!!

  • fu

    This is why.. I don’t listen to hip hop passed 98 HA! You’re all clowns.. These guys are phonies

    • THE GHOST OF DJX

      SUCK MY DICK, FU!

  • http://www.revrbnation.com/1sarcastic Sarcastic

    WOW! How SAD! The people I regard as legends and inspirational and the future of RAP are acting like 13 yr olds… I guess pegions also have egos. Im a def jukie by heart and soul, I just need to sign that contract. LXG be what i bump on a daily. Now tell me, WTF is happenin?…. I take the HIGH ROAD!… 1.

  • JESTONEART

    I’M A FUCKING TOOL!!!