Rolling Stone Artie Lange Article

Artie’s Rolling Stone

He is one of the funniest stand-up comedians in the country– a multimillionaire with a best-selling memoir, hordes of fans and even the occasional groupie. So why can’t Artie Lange stop trying to kill himself?
By Vanessa Grigoriadis

America’s Biggest Loser:

Artie Lange, the 300 pound 41-year old sidekick to Howard Stern, is one of the most complicated, crass and insecure comedians working today– and one of the most successful. He makes a ton of dough: $700,000 per year at Sirius XM and about $3 million a year on the stand-up circuit. Too Fat to Fish, his memoir, is on the New York Times bestseller list. Random House has already signed up his next book for $800,000. There’s only one problem: Lane is a carousing, overeating drugged-up mess who can’t handle the mundane details of life, like keeping a girlfriend, cooking, cleaning or even getting an e-mail account. “Every single aspect of my life is totally fucked, other than work,” says Lange. “Without my career, you couldn’t find a bigger loser.”

Lange’s persona is a mix of vintage Andrew Dice Clay, obese tragic clown– a niche carved by John Belushi and Chris Farley– and, in the mold of David Sedaris, master anecdotal storyteller of the life of white, blue-collar males. He’s good at one-liners– “Crystal meth is a good drug if you need to walk to St. Louis one weekend” is one of his favorites– but most of his humor centers on the difficulty of being a man in America: a greedy, selfish, bottomless pit of need, without a way to communicate with women, who never seem to say what they mean. Lange overcompensates for his loneliness with drugs, drinking, hookers and gambling, and many of his jokes are about this too. Women are only foils in this drama. “A couple years ago at the Super Bowl in Vegas, my ex-girlfriend Dana wanted to put in a real live bet, in Vegas, with her mother,” he says in one bit. “Twenty minutes before the game, I take the Eastern European hooker off my cock, tell her to keep clapping her hands so she doesn’t steal anything, and call Dana up. She goes ‘OK, we want $50 on the under. What do you have??’ Very calmly I say, ‘I have $50,000 on the over. Good luck to you and your mother.’”

Dana left Lange three and a half years ago– “we broke up because of religious beliefs: She didn’t believe I was God”– and he’s still heartbroken about it, though it seems like he’s much more attached to the idea of her than the reality. (The truth is we were at each other’s throats every 10 seconds,” he admits). These days, Lange lives alone, in a two-bedroom condo on the Hoboken, New Jersey, riverfront, decorated by his mother. It’s a cheerful place, done in an earth tone style that could be called Crate and Barrel Masculine, with bookshelves stuffed with biographies of his idols, from Chuck Berry to Woody Allen, wall of Al Hirschfield drawings and an extra bathroom “just for broads.” Striped drinking straws are arranged carefully in a jar, and a stack of umbrellas rests by the front door. “My mom has always taken care of me, and now I have a maid that I call my ‘Mexican Ma,’” he says. “When I lived at home, I never bought shampoo or soap. I just opened the cabinet, and they would be there.”

These days it’s just him, his mother, and his sister– his father, a TV-antenna installer from Newark, New Jersey, fell off a ladder on the job in 1985 when Lange was in his first year of college. His dad was his best friend and hero, and Lange used to work for him during the summers, holding the ladder as he climbed on roofs “like Superman,” says Lange. Artie Lange Sr. was a quadriplegic until he died four and a half years later from “losing the will to live,” says Lange cryptically. This would seem to the be the key to Lange’s personality: the blow of losing an idealized father who looms ever more heroic in one’s mind, the battle to measure up to him lost for eternity. “That’s part of it,” says Lange. “But that pain is long over. There’s got to be something else.”

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Permalink Posted in: comedy, howard stern, sirius January 21, 2009

Shabooty Exclusive Videos of the Obama Inauguration From The Mall

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoQkv9HQUs8]
Obama Supporters To Bush: Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye

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Permalink Posted in: dc, politics, shabooty exclusive, video January 21, 2009

Shabooty Exclusive DC Barack Obama Inauguration Pictures

Congrats to Barack Obama. Do you think he’s gonna put it in Michelle’s oval oraffice, tonight? :)

Oh, by the way, he’s left-handed like me. $

More pics after the break. CTSY: SHABOOTY.COM

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Permalink Posted in: dc, politics, shabooty, shabooty dynasty, shabooty exclusive January 21, 2009

Beyonce & Jay-Z At DC Club Love Pics (Inaugural Gala)

I guess that’s Jay-Z’s version of reaching the mountain top. At Club Love in DC aka Douchebag-Central.

more pics…

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Permalink Posted in: celebs, clubs, dc, hip-hop, music, nightlife, politics January 21, 2009

Sashalee Miss Howard TV February 09 Pics

Sashalee, next month’s Miss HowardTV, came in to say hi and told the crew that dating Artie was out of the question – she’s only 20 and won’t date guys over 30. Sashalee added that she’s only had three boyfriends and has never masturbated. Howard called Sashalee a liar: “Unless there’s a huge sexual hang-up, I don’t see you not touching yourself eventually.” Robin thought it was possible: “A lot of women are uptight and it might take them a while.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7Tjg22DWJM]
This video clip features Sashalee Pallagi.

More pics after the break.
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Permalink Posted in: chick, howard stern, model, show, sirius January 21, 2009

Bush Booed At Inauguration

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLDzJHdxWAc]
Bush gets booed as he hears Hail to the Chief one last time for him! Priceless!

I was there when this happened. and I have a personal on the ground version of this video that I will post shortly. F-k Bush.

$

Permalink Posted in: comedy, dc, politics, video January 21, 2009

A Note From Michael Moore

I rec’d this email this morning:

Just Hours Away …a note from Michael Moore

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

Friends,

This happy, happy day!

We have made it through the Dark Ages and here we are, in one of the most redemptive moments history has ever witnessed. Barack Obama is our best hope to get it right, to heal our national soul, to reach out to the rest of the world with an olive branch instead of shocking brutality.

I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who has worked to make this day happen. For many, the madness goes back, not eight years but twenty-eight years, to the tragic day Reagan was sworn in to dismantle our precious “government of the people” and our beloved way of life.

To all of you who have spoken up and spoken out, who have written letters and marched for peace, for all of you who never gave up, you are the true heroes today. Many of you have suffered great economic losses. Some of you have endured a loved one being shipped overseas to senseless and shameful wars, and thousands of you have seen those loved ones returned home, no longer alive. It has been a heartbreaking time.

But the sun comes out at noon today. The disgraced outgoing president will slide out the side door and head to Crawford to sell the Hollywood set known as the Bush “ranch” before he settles down in an exclusive neighborhood in Dallas. I would encourage Mr. Bush to issue one final pardon before noon today — his own. He had better issue a blanket pardon for all crimes that may have been committed since 2001 by himself, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the whole gang. Serious laws were broken, a war was concocted on a lie, and now, please, justice must be carried out.

So let us move forward and fix the horrible mess we are in. We are fortunate to have a new president who is smart and kind and committed to serving his country. Take a moment today and think about what you can do to join him in helping him do his job. We’re all in this together. Our country has been so profoundly wrecked by an administration who decided to mug our constitution and then steal what they can for their Wall Street cronies on the way out the door.

Here is my plea: Let’s not leave Barack Obama alone to clean up the mess. As he takes his oath today, please take one yourself — to work harder than ever to end these wars, create universal health care, save our planet, end poverty, increase knowledge and establish a true government “of, by and for the people” (instead of “of, by and for the lobbyists, the bankers, and the war profiteers”).

On a personal note, it’s no secret that I have had to suffer an avalanche of hate and attack as I stuck my neck out to simply do my job. Some day I will tell you what the true cost of this has been for me, but not today. Today is a time for celebration and optimism and hope. I’m glad we all lived to see this incredible moment. And I thank each of you for your support of my work and your dedication to our democracy.

12:01pm can’t come soon enough! Happy Inauguration Day!

Yours,
Michael Moore

I thought it was a powerful and well written email… I sent MMoore this reply email:

Hi Michael,

Your email this morning was an inspirational one to wake up to. Nothing like waking up on a friend’s couch in SW DC this morning before all of my other friends, and checking my emails to find yours.

I had a great time on the Mall today, and I really felt like I was witnessing history. You know how in Cloverfield there are masses in the streets for a negative reason (the destructive monster), well this was a similar showing of people but for the opposite reason, for a leader like Barack that will put together the pieces of this country once again, and help steer us into the right direction. Not even J.J. Abrams’ mind could have come up with the horrors of the last eight years. I think you’d agree.

I have yet to upload my personal photos and media, but my friend just sent over his shots. so i figured I’d pass them along if you wanted to check out some personal pics from today on the mall! Cheers. (try to ignore the picture though of my friend passed out from the itis after eating too fried chicken). ;)

-shabooty

~~~

Michael Moore Rocks, Barack Obama rocks, and Fried Chicken rocks. My pics coming soon!

$

Permalink Posted in: anecdote, dc, movie, politics, shabooty exclusive January 21, 2009

Suicide Girls Of Inauguration Day

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Permalink Posted in: chick, model, suicide girls January 21, 2009

Casey Carlson

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSfP9hX9WSQ]
American Idol Casey Carlson Performance 1-14-09

I hate hot chicks. I can’t get thru a tivo’ed episode of American Idol without pausing, doing research, finding bikini pics, and having to blog about it. “It” being Minnesota hottie, Casey Carlson. I can’t wait for like 10 months from now when she’s doing porn, and or sleeping with Pauly Shore.

more after the break…

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Permalink Posted in: american idol, chick, model, music, video January 19, 2009