Photo by Greg Watermann
Riley L. Martin is a self-described alien contactee, author, and radio host. Martin is the author of the book The Coming of Tan, which describes his life and his alleged abduction by aliens. He currently hosts The Riley Martin Show on the Sirius Satellite Radio channel Howard 101.
Riley recently re-signed with Sirius to continue broadcasting but still feels he is being paid “starvation wages.” A website has been started to give Riley donations [Via Wikipedia].
I have to say I am a huge fan of Riley Martin. If I had to rank my favorite must-hear shows on Howard’s Sirius channels, it would probably be obvs. #1) The Howard Stern Show, #2) The Wrap-Up Show, and #3) The Riley Martin Show. I wish I was embellishing my like of Riley’s show for the sake of this interview, but it’s the honest truth, the man does entertaining radio.
Shabooty: Hello Riley, how is your hip injury doing?
Riley Martin: It’s coming along well, I’m getting around pretty good now on my own – using a cane now. [Not on] crutches. I’m healing up, I’m not as I used to be, naturally not as swift as I used to be, I’m doing okay.
Do you still partake in the “happy smoke,” present day?
Never was a real mainstay of mine, mostly all I do these days is light beer – Miller Light, I like a nice beer, ya know. I’m not casting any aspersions on anyone that might like a taste of the herbal essence – no longer a big factor, though. Years and years ago, I used to grow it – good quality, Scandinavian seeds, what have you.
Can you name some of the specific art products you use in creating the symbols?
I use pen and ink, sharpee, crayolas for coloring. [That's] not so important, it’s not important what art material you use, but the natural spirit imbibed in the symbol. I’ve done thousands of symbols – no two are the same. No artist has done that many different representations of anything before.
I have to ask, do the aliens make bowel movements?
I’m sure they do, however Biaviians do not eat solids, they eat several [forms of] liquids, only a sip at a time. Their bodies absorb most of the nutrients that they eat. Though I’ve never seen it, I am sure that they must [have a BM] to some extent, sooner or later.
Also, as you may know, their sexual organs render them not capable of copulation like we make love. It’s passe with them, but they do have ways to make love. Their children are born in laboratories.
As far as your old appearance on The Jerry Springer Show, were you happy with that appearance?
Otherwise, those days they weren’t just straight stupid like they are now. They were being a bit serious.
[Jerry] should have been listening, instead of running his mouth a lot – the people in the audience were with me and understood what I was saying.
Do you have a bigger beef with Tim Sabien (H100 program director), or Howard Stern regarding the monies?
Howard says he has nothing to do with the pay scales and what have you, but he’s gone to bat for others like Bubba [The Love Sponge]. [Howard] gave me the job, it was to him that I would look to speak [regarding] any type of negotiations, so he put it off on Tim, and Tim would not wipe his nose without the approval of Stern. I hold them both equally to blame. I do appreciate the opportunity to speak to millions of people. It is by the good graces of those listeners, that I am able to live without being absolutely in the doldrums of poverty. What they’re paying me is nill. My show has got to be as interesting as someone in the park naked, playing with boys, or someone crapping in a bucket for four hours. They can give me more time and a more reasonable hour as people have requested, and I have, but failed, so there’s some ulterior, petty, narcissistic motives in their actions – the show is very popular.
How many times have you been in the studio as a guest?
Over time, around seven times.
Are you liked in the Howard Stern back office?
They like me enough to keep me on, no mater how much shit I talk because I don’t kiss anyone’s ass including Stern’s. They like me enough to resign me every time. I don’t have a good agent or any agent at all, nor do I have the back-up of any of them to get a decent salary and a decent time. The show is popular and they know it. As far as liking me, they like my abilities – if I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t be there. Anyone else has tried and failed – as far as being on my side, no they’re not on my side. Giving me a decent or an indecent salary would not harm them considering they gave others millions whose shows are really not that impressive [at least not thousands of times more impressive than mine, while they're paid 1000x more than I].
Will you create a symbol in green and red for the holidays?
Otherwise, they come in all colors, it depends on the person. [The person] dictates the color and content [via their vibrations]. I don’t adhere to holiday ornaments.
Do you usually remember your dreams?
Yeah, one of the things I’ve been gifted with most of my life, is a great [ability]. I have almost total recall of incidents, things, machines, robots, technologies, memory of description analysis.
In Biavii, are the male aliens higher on the social ladder than female aliens?
I didn’t gather that. [For example] there are female pilots like there are male pilots. Just as high – I perceive they are quite equal on the social scale.
Will you do any live gigs with the Killers of Comedy, again?
I don’t think comedy is my forte, thou – many would say I am fun guy. I would not like to make a living [doing comedy]. There’s something … [an] “unsavoriness” about it that doesn’t appeal to me. I do, do lectures on the subject matter time to time.
Has Seth MacFarlane of The Family Guy contacted you, yet?
No, I haven’t talked to Seth. I consider that he is a genius and I like his work. I am something of a voice mechanic. I’ve done [voiceover work on Adult Swim's] Squidbillies, a few times. I would like the pleasure to work with him one day in the future.
Are you doing any more voice over work on Squidbillies?
When they need me, they call me. I have a studio I go to in New Jersey and we do the recordings there. I anticipate I will be doing voice over in various other places and times.
Is Eron your best friend at this point?
Yeah, I would say he’s my right-hand man. As good a friend as I’ve ever had, and I trust him. He’s quite astute and doesn’t bite his tongue. He asks me questions that are literally more difficult than the caller’s [questions]. I never want him to ask me a question in advance, I want any caller to ask me that which they shall. I don’t coach what to ask or anything of that nature – if I didn’t know what I was talking about, I shouldn’t be attempting it.
Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons says when he does his show from his house (via ISDN line), he gets too comfortable and his shows aren’t as good as when he is out of his house and in the studio. Do you ever experience that or you prefer working from home?
To me, it’s the opposite. I don’t like big cities, and the maneuvering around, and the fifty dollar parking, security systems, the hell they don’t know who I am, bugging me… I am comfortable here. I am not trying to make up something to do a good show, I am just recounting my experiences, so it’s not hard for me to do a good show. I’m a country boy at heart, not a city guy. I’m not a night-club runner.
Would you rather have a page in the astronomy books about you, or in the radio history books?
I should think perhaps a radio history book – for the most part, modern day astronomers are a bunch of bullshit. If ya gonna put me down, put me in a radio history book.
Have you ever gone to see a shuttle launch, live?
No, I haven’t had the pleasure, but I’ve been in and out of the state of Florida. I used to work with the migrant workers several months a year before traveling up the East coast, gathering the produce, crops, and also bare-knuckle fighting.
Do the aliens celebrate on their “New Years Eve”?
There is one great celebration that they really do every eleven years, as we measure time. That is when the two moons of Biavii align, the gravitational pull is even less at that time. They have hemp-cannabis plants as big as oak trees, 500 years old. They open the gates of those temples and they let the fragrant waft down the valley, and you just need a couple good huffs and the celebration starts. They got music, exotic liquids from various parts of the galaxy, holographic etheric elementals from the mind of the ancients.
Have you seen the movie The Fountain?
No, but various other [movies have been] stealing portions of my work for years – Spielberg did [a movie about] a little boy, and a little animal that would come and visit him – all of that’s in my book relating it to me, a white boy not a black one ya know, they been stealing my stuff piecemeal for years.
What does Riley do on New Year’s Eve?
I’ll have a few friends in BYOL [libations/liquor] and I’ll cook. That’s my therapy. I love cooking, I’m a very good cook.
How come you haven’t gained a lot of weight?
You’d think so. [Cause of] my chromosomes/genes, no matter what I eat, I don’t gain weigh excessively.
What do you think of the OJ verdict? 16 years in the hole.
Oh, wow. Bad scene, but that was object stupidity to put himself in that position, knowing they’re seeking every opportunity to do him under.
Can you give shabooty a shout out on your next show!?
Yeah, big guy.