Dan Forden Helps Me Sleep At Night

I officially had the most random frigging ‘fooding’ experience. I go to the bar and have one beer. We next stroll across to the diner like 8 deep, when 4 of the people I had no clue who they were. It’s always interesting when drunk folks are walking together and one person from one group is hollaring at another person from the other group, next thing you know, it has congealed, and you’re walking into the diner with a party of nine, six of which are strangers -which is hardly a party. Err, well when it’s a sausage fest at least. Here was what I had at the diner in a [failed] attempt to trick myself into having a “light” meal.

• a) fruit cup
• b) vanilla milkshake
• c) grits

…

Yes, you read right. Grits. I’ve earned my “hood” stripes long ago, and it shows –though I have to admit, there’s not much gangsta about having to drench your grits in butter  to be able to take it ‘down’ [the hatch]. Anyways, there’s nothing nastier than going from the yummy sweetness of a milkshake to the random-ass indescribable taste of grits. This one chick across from me at the other table goes, “hey, is that milkshake any good?” And I reply, “yeah def, it’s good.” And of course, her friend across her table goes, “Well – My milkshake, . .. .it’s better than yours, Damn right it’s better than yours, I can teach you, But I have to charge…” Goddammit! I ask the first girl, not humored, “was that a set-up [question]?” Sigh. You know what they say though, “if ya eat gritz, yo peniz is large, damn right it’s bigger than yours.” Nullus homo.

Since it’s 2 AM, I am allowed to ask the worldliest of questions. Someone help me explain this. It’s a craigslist personals ad that is titled, “If Herpes Doesn’t Matter… [I may be a cool African-American woman for you to meet:) ]“ Plz tell me that’s a goof. In case this is a goof and it gets taken down, here’s a screenshot. Yet further proof that D.C. needs to be incinerated, or in cuter mortal kombat terms: TOASTY! Cue the youtube videos:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTyIKnRQdx0]
Mortal Kombat II Scorpion (Toasty) Fatality

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-HCahPHLvA]
Scorpion MK4 TOASTY!!

Dan Forden is the man… If you’re a newb and don’t understand the reference, during Mortal Kombat I – III, Dan Forden took a sprite photo of himself and shouts “Toasty” whenever Scorpion executes his fatality/finishing move. I want to roast marshmallows with him.

$

Lastly, let me end on a note that is a shout out to Baraka Obama:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQNKnIuqJXc]
MKA Baraka Ultimate Fatality

Permalink Posted in: dc, odds and ends, politics, ventilation Comments(0) July 18, 2008